cant sleep well...T.T

already few days i cant sleep well...
now feel very tired....
but still not sleepy
yesterday night i really never sleep
i just watch at my clock for the whole lonely night
may be i miss someone...
but i cant stop my tears drop for the whole night
something in my heart is annoying me
that i hard to tell out
that i dont know how to tell?
that i dont know can tell who?
he wont understanding me
what i thinking right now
yesterday he tell me
guy must take work as important
but last time he wont tell me that
i dont know he tell me this is good or bad
i dont know now am i important for him anymore?
many things i am thinking....and caring...
but is hard to tell out...
so every night just sleep with tears


last time i really love weekend
but now weekend for me is just same
coz he wont accompany me
and weekend just like weekdays
so no difference...
and my life going to have a big change
i know it is hard
coz i already spent my every weekends with him 4 years
now need me to change is hard
coz i need to back to my old life
now for me in relationship and single realy no difference any more
coz i really hard to meet him
and less chance to meet him
last time 1 week once
now.........................
i dont know
izit this still in realtionship?
i feel i am selfish...
i feel i am bad...
so sorry...
may be i'm thinking too much...
may be you are right...
may be i should learn independent...
did you feel i am sticky to him?


yesterday i mother's day
from last few years
i will celebrate my mama days with him and my family
but yesterday no...
just me and my family...
feel different...
and change....


promise is wont be true
but i am trust


i already sick for 1 week
feel like not going better
but he promise will bring me medicine
but for the 1 week until now
i still havent receive and medicine from him
and my head still pain like shit

as one of my best friends[marcus] said
i should tell him
what i am feeling...
but i already try to tell him
but he never take it serious
and never care of it...
so what to d?
that is his attitude...
he wont care...


he said he dissappionted on me
then what should i tell him....?
i also dissappionted him???
or what should i said...
i am speechless...


i need to act happy
i need to act nothing happen
i need to act i am ok...